Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
