actually, I'm a sock model
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
