dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
