maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
