we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
