wat bout pragnant strippers??
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Drunk is not a location!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
