I just made out with a guy for $7.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
