I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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