I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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