ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
