sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
