Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
