you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
this just has baby written all over it
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
In other news, I just burned my penis
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
