Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
