i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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