I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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