I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just cut my nipple shaving
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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