Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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