Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
