I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
