The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
