HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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