I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
