went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
