He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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