My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
