I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
