before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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