A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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