Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
