i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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