I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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