come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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