mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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