Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
