So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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