I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
