sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
