question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
