We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
