Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
