he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
