all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
