I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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