Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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