hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
