Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
