put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
