and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
