Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Everything about him screamed your future.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
