she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
