He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
